Im still alive n kickin!

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It’s been a long time since I’ve updated this blog. I guess being in a monotonous NS life of eat, sleep, warrants me this absence. No matter anyway, although my memory’s terrible, I’m glad that I live in an age of social media and digital photography to document my life.

Even as I grow old, I can seek comfort in the fact that somewhere out there, in the vast abyss of “the internet”, traces of my youth lie hidden in codings of 1’s and 0’s It is not so much as I have NO time to update, but rather, writing is not really a pastime I enjoy as compared to reading (non-fiction).

Furthermore, I have a girlfriend now, and most of my time goes to her (not complaining!). Recently tho, I’ve been settling application stuff for university. From applications and transcripts, to essays and letters of recommendation. It’s exciting yet (a little) harrowing to see my dream of studying in the US being played out. I’ve taken the SAT’s twice, but my results are not as what I’ve intended them to be (1760,1840). The lack of studying in addition to being in a brain-dead situation (NS) could probably be a cause, but I have no regrets, and that is how I want to live my life.

I’ve applied for 4 schools: U of Washington (dream school!), Washington State U, U of Oregon and California State U – Fresno. Hopefully by this time next year, I’d be blogging from one of those schools (hopefully Seattle)!

Even IF I don’t, I’ll probably head to a Community College and transfer into one of the U’s, but either way, I’m mad grateful for both my parents who are so willing to invest and sponsor their son’s further education.

It has always been my dream to leave this country for a bit to immerse myself in an alien land and culture. But at the end of the day, Singapore (no matter how FUCKED UP it is) is still where I call home and would like to raise my kids (in the future lah!). Well, here are some of the updates for the past few months:
 
Australia 

Yesssss, despite being in the service I still manage to get out for the country for a good 2 weeks to head down under and visit my Auntie and Uncle in Brisbane. Nothing much new there, except there’s a new(ish) shopping outlet on the way to the Gold Coast.

I wanted to fly over to visit Yujia on the other side of the country in Perth, but the local airfare wasn’t justifiable for the few days I would be spending there. We headed down to Sydney for the first time and I managed to explore the city abit. Walked the stretch of the city from Chinatown till Harbour Bay, and even got mad drenched in the cold rain.

But this is what I love. Being soaked in a foreign place just enjoying the location and taking pictures, no matter the weather.

Met up with Cheryl and Kris over there! Its glad to see a familiar face(s) in another country. Managed to catch up with them for abit and have dinner with them. Toured their school and visited Kris’s home and listened to stories about their life studying there.

Ugh I cant wait till I study in the US
 
Baking 

So recently as well ive taken an interest in baking. I mean, I’ve always liked the culinary arts, but it’s the first time I’ve done so much. Maybe its because of all the free time I have, or maybe it’s the satisfaction I get when I see someone enjoying my creation, but whatever it is, I’ve certainly gained a skills which could help me in the future. Even with the ladies…

I tried making a fondant covered cake and heck was it quite a job. I hope Gracelyn appreciates the cake I took 3 days to complete! Im quite happy with the outcome but the cake itself was a little dry.

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Photography 

I’ve ignored this passion of mine, maybe I haven’t had much opportunities and outlets to partake in this activity anymore, but it sure is nice to shoot again once in awhile. I went to SOUL to cover an event there with Jane (she got the job) and I’m glad to see that I still have it. Maybe a little rusty around the edges, but a little post-polishing (processing) gets the job done! Took pictures for Dexter’s commissioning parade and Nevin’s parents anniversary dinner. Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket I bought a set of Cineskates from the US which is like a camera dolly with the intentions of making a video, but I haven’t really gotten around it yet. I have an idea in my mind and hopefully I’d like to see it materialize soon.
 
Jane 

This wonderful, beautiful gurl has the honor of being my girlfriend! LOL, we’ve been going out for 9 months now, which is sorta a record for her. Good for me I guess. But this girl is really something, I have no regrets having spent all that time ($) on/with her, even though we may have an “expiry date” on our relationship.

I asked her by surprising her by taking her to the westlife concert when they were here in October. Bought for her the Michael Kors bag she wanted too! (she guessed that it was a stuffed elephant from Ikea, oh was she sooooooo wrong!)

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Took her to the zoo, night safari and underwater world. 2 of those places I’ve never been to before.


I really enjoy spending time with her and making her happy, no matter the cost. All in all I love Jane, and I hope I still will in the future. Though sometimes the thought of us eventually making our separate ways in life does hit me, I trust in God to deliver whatever he has intended for me.


Maybe

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Just the way you are

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Time seem to go so slow nowadays, but yet at the same time it seems all too fast as well. Not much has changed since the last time I posted, its not so much as a stagnation in life but rather a lack of novelty.

BUT...

That is not a bad thing! Consistency brings about a feeling of security and safety, or some may see it as conceit or complacence. Oh no, but not I.Photobucket

Well, being the procrastinator that I've always been, this really has taken me to another level. The SAT's did not get much attention from me, in respect to studying. I went into that test room, likka cowboy guns ablazing, or likka terrorist who just bombs, and worked the hell outta that paper. Lucky Tan gave me valuable advice to watch my timing and doing that enabled me to complete everything with SOME time to spare. The English was uhggghhhhh. My limited vocabulary and poor knowledge of proper and precise grammar and sentence construction was probably my achilles heel.
Oh well, just can hope n pray for the best!

Well, election fever came and gone. Attended a rally for the first time and soaked up the atmosphere then till the end of everything. Was really a different and interesting experience for me and everyone else who were following suit. Photobucket

Life in camp/work has been relax-ed as usual. No complaints there. Photobucket

So, i've been spending a lil more "bro time" with J(umbo)ason. Maybe probably its because we're the only NSF's (Read: Mucho Free Time) in our gang. Finally after 3 weeks of asking around, we just took the trip up to KL. Yes just the both of us! But we met up with Jane and her KL gang there, so it was quite a worthwhile trip. *cough* (hehehehhehehe jasonnnnnnn)Photobucket

And plus....recently i've been baking and cooking more. Maybe its just something to fill my free time and something to keep me interested again. Cooked a 4 course meal for The KL gang! Took me 2 days of prep and cooking and baking to serve up the whole meal for the 7 of us. But I gladly do it, not only for Jane, but for the self satisfaction and challenge which was really, reallyyyy good. PhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucket

Okay, the cleaning part sucked, horribly, I admit. But I hope everyone really enjoyed my cooking and the time with the company around. Interesting people this bunch. And they were so sweet to give me a goodie bag filled with Marks n' Spencer stuff!!!! AND AND, a Bruno Mars album!!!!!! Hehe

Anyway, progress with Jane has been quite steady. I think, us both really enjoy each other company and presence. But somehow, some things which has been said between us, has made me start thinking again. I dont like it. I dont like it when I start thinking. I thought that ive changed and left that over-analyzing, self-doubting and insecure(ish) part of me behind. Apparently, you cant fight nature and yourself. But it hasn't (and I hope wouldn't) affected me. I just hope I can put my brains aside, and just enjoy whatever moments we have (left?) with each other.

Jane, I really enjoy spending time with you. Just being around you makes me feel.....happier; better. And I hope I make you feel the same way too!Photobucket

Goodnight world, its 337am....


This...

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This.
This feeling.
This feeling of.
This feeling of mutual want.
This feeling of mutual want is all so.
This feeling of mutual want is all so new.

All so new.
All so new to me.

Is it.
Is it all.
Is it all just.
Is it all just premature.

Don't.
Don't wanna.
Don't wanna be.
Don't wanna be left.

Left.
Left hanging.
Left hanging here.
Left hanging here like a fool.

Like a fool.
Like a fool again.

Again.

We.
We shall see.
We shall see.
We shall.
We.


Its always 337am

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Its a New Year. 3 of its months have passed. So far, it has been excellent!

Its sad for me to part with the AVA boys. We spent the past 4 months together and really had a good, slack-ass time. This is the only bunch of Malay dudes that I'd PROUDLY call my friends. Although we went our separate ways, I hope we all can still keep in touch with each other and have meetups. I hope when i post my next entry, we would've done our planned trip up to Malacca! AVA BOYS!

NS,AVA
AVA,CTP,NS,CHEF

Being out and alone there in Sembawang camp is not at all a bad thing. I'm posted to function platoon where its a REALLY REALLY slack place. I do what I want, without a care. Cook, lim teh, shisha. You name it. The guys aren't too bad either, but sadly they all ORD and im left alone. However, the 3 trainees (watt, sayor, joel) plus 2 from the new batch (taufik, aidil) have joined me, and Taib (who was on long term mc) return. So now the sleeping store room's getting pretty crowded. But on the brighter side, I'm the "laojiao" now (only after a month LOL!) So, itll be quite interesting to see what this place brings in the future :D

CTP,STC,NS,Function

Well, furthermore being in this place during my NS time allows me lots of freedom and the opportunity to pursue and maintain my social relationships. Unfortunately, much of the guys (Tan, Singh, ZH, Jevon, Kanta, Shan) have either school or work obligations to fulfill so I hardly ever got to see them as regularly as I did before. Our Indo trip felt like a swansong for many things in my life. I quit smoking and convinced the others to do so as well after crazy days of spamming ciggies till i fell sick (part of the plan). It sorta marked our (okay their) start of LIFE, as all have ORD-ed, except Jason and I.

Whatever happens in our lives, these bunch of guys are my closest and dearest friends whom ill never let go and always got their backs. Guys, if you ever (somehow) get to read this, I want you to know that you mean alot to me, and whatever happens in the future, wherever we may end up, how far apart, youll always be the ones whom ive spent the BEST times of my lives with, and that will always keep us together. HEY! 30 YR OLD ME! FUCKIN HELL! IF YOUR NOT IN TOUCH WITH THESE GUYS, DO IT DAMNIT! WTF HAS HAPPENED TO YOU!?!?!

INDO,GUSTAV

For the past few weeks, I've been clubbing quite often (free) and had a connection(?) with this girl. She's something different. Something else. She has many things that captivate, interest and impresses me. I guess I had the same effect on her initially (whoa, modesty) We've been going out for a few (2?) weeks now, and its been progressing steadily well. She's never been in a serious relationship before bt has been dating guys for a long time. The need to define doesn't exist in this one. Fear? Apathy? Ill soon confirm. It doesn't bother me, nor do I yearn to be in another relationship. But I'm not rejecting the idea either. I guess I'm afraid to open my heart up to another after what has happened before. Afraid of the heartbreak and all the unnecessary baggage that comes with it. It has taken me awhile (okay, a hell long time) to dispose of whatever baggage I had, I don't want to find myself holding another one.

Jane, if you're reading this, it means either you have EXCELLENT CSI skills (mad props to you then!) or I've trusted you enough to open up to you, emotionally. Let's see where this takes us both.

Good Night/Morning

-the measure of a man is not whether he falls down, but whether he gets up again


An idea is a fuckin parasite

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Ideas and thoughts that keep u up at 337am in the morning.
How trivial, stupid, and small they is, generate lots of energy and attention.
Damn this active mind of mine.
Bike.Camera.Woman.

On a separate note - CSI-ing can be fun, useful and sometimes painful. But at most times is a necessity.

We yearn for more knowledge, however at the same time, we wished we didn't know the things we know sometimes.

Shit that shouldn't matter sticks in our mind like a dried-out skidmark. Yet the things that do elude us. I hope future Raied finds out a suitable metaphor for this...


Save Point

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Remnant feelings and memories of things that bothered me since my birthday over a month ago still remain.

Sub-conscious thoughts roam free and rule in my dream world. We are all driven by just that; the sub-conscience. Weather we know it or not, somehow, it affects our mood, judgment and decisions. No matter how much we try to avoid the thoughts, memories and feelings that we are reluctant or afraid to face, they somehow manifest along the path of our lives.

Many a times, I've woken up with a "wtf..." Maybe I've just been sleeping too much.

On a positive note; Ive somewhat have been committed and consistent with my efforts of a healthier lifestyle. Although is quite short of what I want to eventually achieve, it is a very significant and motivating stepping stone for me. I hope that I, and others around me can carry on and continue with this positive lifestyle.

Camp is a place for me to sleep, think, reflect and exercise. Polyclinic doctors are there to cock-block MC's. Home is a place of love, for me to relax and unwind.

I've yet to complete my "born to be wild" project, thanks to Sony Vegas giving me trouble. But I'm trying to take my camera out more often to play and get back that feeling, passion and desire to create.

At this point of time, I'm happy with ~80% of my life. But its a sad fact that human nature will always force us to look at that 20% and cause us to be unhappy where in fact we have so much to be thankful and grateful for.


NEW TOY!!

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Damnit, finally purged the bank for my damn new toy, the CANON EOS 7D

Just got this baby for VIDEO! That's all that is for. Trying to explore this new field, and try to apply what I've learnt from my years photographing into videography. Got a few projects in mind, but so far did 2 short vids on my first night out with it.

Video editing is a totally different learning curve that I have to go thru and its keeping me up all night!! Well, at least this is something new to hold my interest and I hope I come up with many new interesting pieces to capture the attention of myself and others as well!




Turning 20

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Was the least enjoyable birthday in all my (damn I hate saying this) Twenty years.
When the clock struck 12am, and well wishes poured in, I teared at the fact that a big, BIG phase of my life has just passed. I'll never get that back. All I have left from it are memories, joys, sadness, experience and regrets.

I felt old once i left my adolescence/teenage years (yea some of you may say 21, but 19-20 is such a drastic change for me)

The happiest thing is that, I have very wonderful people around me to spend time with. They cheer me up, make me laugh, get me thru shit. And for that, I am undoubtedly thankful and grateful. Family and friends can make my day and pull me out from the darkest abyss of which I rarely face.

blog,blog
blog

Halloween was a blast with Tan, Jason, Singh and Comrade ZH! I wished Attica was a little better in terms of SPACE and girls, but what the hey, I had a good time anyway. Going around Clark Quay and seeing idiots in different costumes and muckin' around really was a barrel of laughs. Sitting outside Zouk and seeing the costumes and shouting rubbish was another sight!

blog,blog

Going out with the guys again, although was just a short while really completed this birthday which started out rather bleak. Ill try to keep positive and get as much as I can for the rest of my birthday week.

I'm very grateful for all the birthday wishes from everyone. Thanks for talking to me again, I wouldntve done it myself. Saving me from myself is really a hard and fragile thing to do. A battle of heart and mind is one where the right choice can also be a wrong one. But whatever the outcome, whatever the course of action taken, I don't want to bear anymore regrets after emerging from this state of confusion...


Focus

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I guess what's really missing in my life in terms of achievement is focus. Sometimes I have too many ideas and wants and I get distracted easily by each and every single one of them.

Do I really want to be a jack of all trades, but master of none?

There is a benefit of diversifying, definitely. But sometimes it just means that I have little to show for. There are many things that I want to do right now

- Riding
- SAT
- Fitness
- Musical Instrument

How can I ensure that all these activities and wants are gonna pay off? How are my "investments" gonna mature for me? How can I prevent distraction? What are my end goals?

So many questions, very little answers. All I can hope for is the continual support and push of my peers and family; Of which I have to translate into quantifiable action.

My parents are gonna kill me if they ever find out I'm learning to ride tho...

blog


Raied

  • is friendly but shy...

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